i hurt others.
I hurt others. I have hurt others. I will hurt others. And before you start that judgmental spiral that’s already beginning to develop in your mind…yes, I can feel you judging me… but consider the people you’ve hurt too. That may sting a little. Think on it for just a second. It won’t take long for something you said out of anger or spite or your own hurt feelings to come flooding back into your mind. Just today, something someone said hurt me. But on the flip side it’s also quite possible that something I said hurt someone as well.
Others will hurt me and certainly have hurt me. I have and will continue to hurt others.
This isn’t a pity-party or a woe is me, or an “I’m the victim” mentality. It isn’t justification either.
This is honesty. This is reality.
I’m not proud of hurting others. It’s not something I aim to do or try to make happen. I don’t think most people, and Christ-followers no less, get up every morning and think to themselves, hmmm, I think I really want to hurt someone today! Of course not!
We are all sinful and have things that we’ve done, said, thought that we are not proud of. We can work so hard to make things right when we’ve done wrong. And some days, it can be easy to allow defeat to become our mindset – what’s the point of even trying …when it seems like all I end up doing is making things worse?
You may be thinking… Well, where’s the hope in that? This is discouraging.
Well, yes, if the focus rests solely on how sinful we are, and all the things we’ve done wrong for years and years – that would in fact be discouraging and potentially downright depressing.
But even though being hurt and hurting others are both bound to happen, it is still not enough for us to just throw our hands up, admitting we hurt and will be hurt, and shrink into a corner never to speak to another earthly soul again! No! We simply can’t live life that way.
We have to make a choice. We must choose to take every step and opportunity to work diligently to avoid hurting others, with resolve.
Believe me, I realize it can be discouraging and feel near impossible to take steps of obedience with the Word of God when Satan tries to continually remind us of the sinful things we’ve all done. He does this through the spiral of thoughts that make its way through the corridors of our mind. He even does it through people. He will do it though both our minds and others by bringing people to our doorstep who will always remind us of past sin.
Clearly, this one reason why it can be so difficult to have the courage needed to vulnerably open up to share when we are hurtful toward others or even when we experience hurt. Typically, we brace ourselves for one of two outcomes: we are judged, ridiculed, scorned, mocked, or we are shunned and ostracized – either directly, or worse, passively: never to be seen in the same light again.
Isn’t it a funny thing? When we open ourselves up in vulnerability in an attempt to trust that our relationships will survive the spawn of sin… and are met with a sinful response! That’s really what the problem boils down to! Sin is meeting sin. We would not ever experience hurt if sin didn’t exist. But it does. So, we share our sin (bearing each other’s burdens) and likely do so in an already-vulnerable, shame-ridden state. Then, we wait with all the anxiety and torture time can bear on us for the few seconds it takes to receive a response. And finally, we are either rejected or accepted.
I have had many of those terrible moments: not knowing if I will be accepted as the broken and flawed human I am, or rejected which can cause even further brokenness.
It is no wonder so many people get stuck in a pattern of sin. Give up. Lose sight of the hope we have in Christ… the hope that literally resides within our spirit. But when all the swirling thoughts in our mind and judgmental, sinful people around us do not point to that hope, we can fall into deep despair.
My dear friend, if you were sitting here on this couch with me, I would plead with you: be the friend that accepts brokenness. Be the light that graciously allows imperfection. Be a reflection of the Jesus who met the woman at the well in her adulterous state and did not condemn her, but rather offered forgiveness. When the roles are reversed, there is no doubt you will be longing for the same grace, forgiveness, and love to accept you, and not reject you in your brokenness.
The good news is:
Our hope is not in anyone or anything of this world.
Christ came to redeem our brokenness.
Christ came so that we can have life, and life ABUNDANTLY
If you are struggling with any lack of hope, feel a sense of brokenness, hurt, anxiety, despair, depression, or even self-harm – I want to encourage you to stop for just one moment. Just one moment in time. Stop completely. Tune out every outside perspective, voice, and opinion. Stop your mind from racing through the thoughts that overwhelm and ask one question: Jesus, what are you speaking to me in this moment? Sit and let the question linger. Wait on the Spirit of God to speak truth, hope, and unconditional love and grace over you.
To work on this all-so-common problem of hurting others … to truly aim to not bring any semblance of harm or hurt to others – ask these questions honestly and in humility:
Am I trying to self-preserve my status, my plan, my worth, or my self-declared value? Is my pride taking the reins on making this: _______ decision?
Do I act as though it is more important to control outcomes than it is for me to allow Christ to be the Master of my life, regardless of the outcome in any circumstance?
Am I trying to justify my actions or words with anything other than the truth?
Am I more interested in being right or simply not being the one to blame because I care more about my reputation than anyone else?
Yes – these questions are tough. They are especially tough when the answer is yes to one or more of them. At that point, we have a choice to make. We can decide to do what is right in God’s eyes. Or we can choose to do what is prideful, selfish, and laced with lies …all from the enemy of our hearts.
What is your choice today?
